Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because that is all we will ever be?

i walk out the door like theres nothing wrong
but someone always seems to notice there is.
all i think about is the yelling and screaming.
i just wish it could stop.
morning goes by all fucked up.
the rest of the day is fucked up too.
nothing ever goes rite in my life.
the yelling is bcuz of me
its always bcuz of me.
it bcuz i cant do anything rite
do i really act like he says i do.
did i get my attidude from him?
if i do what can i do?
he says i use him
but i dont
i cry everyday for him
i wish he knew what i wanted.
i wish he knew how much he meant to me!
because he really means the whole world to me
i want him to understand me
nobody knows how much i love him
nobody knows how much i care
will he ever stop his ways
would he do it for me?
if i mean so much to him
why does he do this?
does he even notice me?
does he even know i excist any more?
all i can say is what happend?
and hope it gets better
i want him to open his eyes and see what kind of pain he puts me through
and let him know how much i love him
i appreciate him so much
but i cant live with him living like this now
just stop and open your eyes to see what you do to me
and i want to say is that i really really love you
because you are my only dad
there is no other dad better than you!

i walk out the door like theres nothing wrong
but someone always seems to notice there is.
all i think about is the yelling and screaming.
i just wish it could stop.
morning goes by all fucked up.
the rest of the day is fucked up too.
nothing ever goes rite in my life.
the yelling is bcuz of me
its always bcuz of me.
it bcuz i cant do anything rite
do i really act like he says i do.
did i get my attidude from him?
if i do what can i do?
he says i use him
but i dont
i cry everyday for him
i wish he knew what i wanted.
i wish he knew how much he meant to me!
because he really means the whole world to me
i want him to understand me
nobody knows how much i love him
nobody knows how much i care
will he ever stop his ways
would he do it for me?
if i mean so much to him
why does he do this?
does he even notice me?
does he even know i excist any more?
all i can say is what happend?
and hope it gets better
i want him to open his eyes and see what kind of pain he puts me through
and let him know how much i love him
i appreciate him so much
but i cant live with him living like this now
just stop and open your eyes to see what you do to me
and i want to say is that i really really love you
because you are my only dad
there is no other dad better than you!

DANG there is this freakin fine ass native dat goes to my NYO practice....i met him at AFN he has beautiful eyes ... and then my friend SonSon told me that he liked me..but i didnt believe him....then he said he wasnt jokin....but he gots a girl and i got a boy...but my boy is in MYC :'( but i might break up wit him bcuz it seems like he never want to talk to me or even hang out with me.. at the same time i want to be with him bcuz he makes me feel so HAPPY when im around him...like i forget about everyone else and just want to look in to his eyes for ever and i love when we kiss and when he holds me!!! i fuckin love him but idk if i should stay with him or not!!! AND he said that once MEADOW his soon to be ex i hope gets out he is gonna break up with her to be with me but he cant right now bcuz hes in MYC and she is in NorthStar Teatment center!! but i think i might break up with him bcuz everyone noes that he still really likes her and that he is saying that he lost love for her but im not sure if its true im just really confused.....what should i do????? i wonder if ther is someone better out ther for me??? or if the one that i really really like likes me back......well if you have any ideas to help me figure out wat to do...comment me!!!
LOVE,
EVA

Dang i cant bilive it snowed...hmm....oh well there is this guy i just fuckin ador him hes funny,sexy and a good friend!!! dang we just met in August...but he is and he said da same about me....but it would never work out bcuz he lives in Unalaska.. dang we might be able to see eachother face to face some day! maybe after da skool year!! my mom is thinking about moving to Seattle but im not so sure about that i want to move but then the same time i wanna stay here in Anchorage!! idk wat i should do live wit my mean dad or go to Seattle nd try to get some friends there.....but if i move there i will cry really hard bcuz i dont want to leave my friends behind .... if i could i would take them all with me but there is just no way to do that it really sux...i just dont know what i should do???? but i wanna go so badly to see and meet new ppl i just think i should stay here!!???!! dang the thing dat sux for me rite now is that my baby is in MYC (youth jail here in Anchorage). i just wish he would be out so i can see him...i miss him so freakin much....im really lonely with out him like im lost....i cant wait to see him...his mom dont know that me and him are together but she told me he will be getting out in 30days i cant wait !!!! but i miss him so freakin Bad
!!! when i found out he was there i wanted to cry , i was gonna ask his mom why he was in ther but i didnt bcuz if i new why he was i would just burst out crying....well i will write more later bcuz its pretty late...and i need some sleep for skool.... ttfn
<3 Eva

Hey wat you ppl been up 2? well im at skewl being really bored there is nothing to do and im just on the computer waiting for some one to email me!!!!!! I cant wait until this weekend!!!!!!!But ill tell you ppl what i did later when im not a skewl

I WILL TALK TO YOU PPL LATER

love ya <3

Eve

hey im going out with someone and he is hott and sexy !!!
well enways yah hes so cute
TTPL
Eve

hey im might go out with this really hott boy and we are going to the mall on Saturday together.